Like I Love You
by UnexepectedlyMe
Summary: Edward is one of the most recognizable faces in the music industry and he enjoys every aspect of the rock star life. Bella is a fresh faced teacher that loves with all of heart and enjoys the simple things in life. Edward and Bella have a past, but it will be up to Edward whether or not they have a future. What happens when he gives up and she moves on?
1. Chapter 1- It All Falls Apart

Chapter One: "It All Falls Apart"

Bella

We had only been home from touring for a short when Edward slipped back in to his old habits. I honestly thought things would be better when we returned to Los Angeles, because he did so well on tour. He had a few drinks here and there when we went out, but that wasn't often and his drug use completely stopped. Prior to the tour Edward's drug use had started to spiral out of control and I threatened to leave, but he swore he would stop. He was clean for seven months, key word being was. I should have known when Marcus showed up at our door that things would go downhill.

For the last three days and nights Edward had been with Marcus non-stop, spending very little time at home. At first I tried to give Edward the benefit of the doubt. I know that seven months of touring is rough and that he needed time to decompress. I blamed the erratic behavior and angry outbursts on the adjustment of being at home again. I changed my mind five minutes ago when I went to start a load of laundry and found a small bag of white powder in the pocket of Edward's jeans. Since my little discovery, I had been sitting at the bar in the kitchen rolling the little bag around in my hands, trying to gather my thoughts. My thought process was interrupted when I heard him thundering down the stairs.

"Good morning love," Edward said as he made his way into the kitchen. He came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. I remained silent and stiff in his embrace, still holding the small bag in my hands. "What's wrong?" I removed myself from his embrace and turned toward him, holding out my hand with the bag sitting in my palm, still not saying a word. The look on Edward's face was one much like that of a child who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "Where did you find that?"

"I would like to ask you the same question, but I think I already know the answer to that, "I replied coolly. "I thought that we were past this Edward. You were clean for seven months, you seemed to be serious about staying clean."

"Baby, I am serious. Marcus gave it to me last night, I tried to give it back to him but he wouldn't take no for an answer. I was going to get rid of it. I haven't used since we've been home." I knew not to believe him, lying was something that came naturally to him when he was using. Edward took the bag from my hand, walked to the sink, emptied its contents down the drain and turned on the faucet to rinse any remaining powder away. I watched the pained look on his face as he completed his take and knew, which confirmed that he had indeed lied.

"The look on your face tells a different story." He didn't try to argue with me, even more proof. If he wasn't using, he would have defended himself.

I got up from my seat and walked silently out of the kitchen. I went upstairs to our bedroom, not exactly sure what I should do first. I was scared and nauseous. With shaking hands, I picked up the phone next to the bed and made a call that would change everything.

"Hey babe!" a familiar voice said greeting me.

"Hey, can you do me a favor?"

"Name it," he replied.

I started to lose my composure, "Can you come and get me?"

"B, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked nervously.

"Please Jake, just come get me."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," he replied. I could hear him gathering his keys. "I'm walking out the door right now."

"Thank you," I whispered hanging up the phone. I walked to my closet and pulled out the largest suitcase I could find. I started filling it with items that I would need immediately, everything else could be shipped later. I was so involved in my packing that I didn't hear Edward come up the stairs.

Edward

"What are you doing?" I asked as I entered the bedroom.

"What does it look like? I can't do this anymore," Bella cried angrily. "It's not fair to me and you know it. You're losing control Edward and I'm done." I watched as she loaded her possessions into a suitcase.

I stared at her, trying to keep my emotions in check. I didn't want her to see how much this was tearing me apart. "If this is what you need to do, then do it. But before you make a decision you need to make sure you've thought it through." I know I was wasting my breath as the words came out of my mouth, knowing Bella she'd over thought this. Her decision making process is one of the things I love about her. Bella is analytical and responsible where I am the opposite, quick to make decisions without taking much time to think.

"Believe me Edward, I've thought through. I'm going home."

I felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs, I was stunned. I walked across the room and sat down on the chaise lounge, facing her. "Love, you are home," I stuttered, "Anywhere that we're together is home." I hoped my words would have an effect on her.

"This isn't my home anymore. Home should be a refuge, safe and welcoming. For a long time I did believe that home was anywhere we were together, because you made me feel safe," she paused, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I had an overwhelming feeling that the next words she spoke would break my heart. "But you don't make me feel safe anymore. Hell Edward, I don't even feel welcome here. I'm nothing more than a maid and a warm body to fill your bed."

I was right, I felt my heart breaking and it was my fault. "Isabella, that's not true, I love you. You mean the world to me. I've never meant to make you feel unsafe or unloved."

Bella didn't respond immediately, she simply continued placing clothes in her suitcase. "I understand that the real Edward, the man I fell in love with so many years ago loves me. The problem is the Edward that is addict is not that man. That man is completely different from the man I love and it turns my stomach…he's cold, crude and mean. He brings strangers into the house and befriends shady people. He is not the man I love. I'm terrified of this man and if you continue down the path that you're on, I'm afraid the man that I fell in love with will no longer exist." Tears were falling down her face; I could tell she was barely holding it together as she moved across the room toward me. She knelt down in front of me and held my face in her hands, forcing me to look her in the eye. "I can't and I won't be here to watch the man I love disappear."

"So there's nothing I can do to change your mind?"

"Edward, you know exactly what you can do. If you enter a rehab program, I will stay and support you, but that's the only way," she stated firmly.

"Baby, I don't need rehab. I'm strong; I've got self-control, with your help I can clean up. I promise," at this point I was practically begging. Deep down I knew that I was making an empty promise, because right now there were only two things on my mind: Number one, how can I stop Bella from leaving? Number two, this wouldn't hurt so much if I were high.

"We've been down that road before and it obviously didn't work, because here we are again seven months later and if anything you're worse now. It's all or nothing. I can't continue to cover for you and I'm done being the only one who has to make sacrifices in this relationship."

She removed her hands from my face and stood in front of me. I looked up and watched as more tears rolled down her face, her eyes silently begging me to make the right decision. "I'm not Jacob."

"No, no you're not," she replied. She leaned down and placed a kiss on my cheek, momentarily pressing her face to mine. She turned and silently walked toward the bed. I watched as she zipped the suitcase and slowly turned to face me. "Jacob was a big enough man to admit he had a problem."

I couldn't believe she had the nerve to say that to me, what a low blow. I felt my self-control waiver and rage bubbled below the surface. "You don't love me!" I yelled as she neared the door, suitcase in hand.

She turned briefly, a look of disbelief on her face. I had accomplished my goal, to hurt her with my words. "No Edward, the problem is that I love you too much." And with those words she turned and walked out of my life.


	2. Chapter 2- When Love Isn't Enough

Chapter Two: "When Love Isn't Enough"

**February **

Bella

I stayed with Jake for two days before I told anyone that I left Edward. The first and only call I made was to my brother, Emmett. He begged me to get on the next flight out of Los Angeles, he said I needed to be with family and I agreed. So, I booked the first available flight to Seattle. When the plane left the runway in Los Angeles I felt ill, a chapter of my life that I thought would be ongoing had come to an end.

Here I sit three days later, in no better state than I was when I arrived. I spend most of my days sitting on the deck, wrapped in a blanket staring in to the sky. Rose brings me hot tea on a regular basis, but never pushes me to talk, which I am grateful for. I haven't done much talking at all in the time I've been here. Emmett and Rose know that I left Edward but don't know any of the details; I'm not ready for explanations yet. As I sat lost in my thoughts I heard the door open behind me, I looked up expecting to see Rose but was surprised to see Emmett instead.

"I talked to Edward," Emmett said as he stood in front of me.

"What's new, you talk to him daily," I replied in a flat tone.

"He told me what happened or at least his version of events. He feels like hell."

"I'm sure he does, I do too." I took a deep breath trying to control my emotions, but couldn't. Tears began to roll down my cheeks and a sob escaped my lips. Emmett came over and squeezed himself into the chair with me, wrapping his arms around me and offered silent comfort while I cried. "Em, he could fix this and he knows it but obviously cocaine is more important than me."

"Bella, I'm so sorry you're hurting like this. I know this isn't easy but you did the right thing by leaving. Maybe this will be the wakeup call he needs to get back on track. He wants to talk to you."

I angrily wiped more tears away. "I don't think I'm ready for that. Besides if what he wants to say to me doesn't include the word 'rehab' we have nothing to talk about."

"I won't pressure you to talk to him, when it comes to Edward you do what you feel is right. He just wants you to know that he loves you."

"If he truly loved me we wouldn't be going through this," I sobbed.

"He does love you; he just needs to fix himself before he can love you the way you deserve to be loved. I know that the old Edward is still in there somewhere and that Edward loves you more than life itself. If he isn't able to wake up and see what a mistake he's made then it's his loss," Emmett said as he leaned down to kiss my cheek. "But kiddo you need to wake up too. I think you need to talk to someone about what's going on so you can move on and heal. I made an appointment for you in the morning with a therapist and I'm not giving you an option, you're going."

I nodded my head in agreement. Even though I wanted to be angry with Emmett for butting in I couldn't be. He was just doing what big brothers do best, take care of baby sisters. Coming to stay with Emmett and Rose was the right thing to do. I knew they were going to take care of me even if I wasn't capable of taking care of myself and I hadn't been taken care of in a while. Emmett and I sat cuddled together on the deck and watched the sun set in a comfortable silence, both of us contemplating what tomorrow would bring.

Emmett took me to my therapy session the next day and much to my surprise it felt good to talk to someone. I know that I could talk to Emmett and Rose, but talking to someone outside of my life is what was helpful. Dr. Barrows doesn't know me or Edward or the history we share. She simply listens to me and makes me feel at ease. Her advice to me after our first session was t contact Edward and make sure he has a clear understanding of my actions and where our relationship stands. I couldn't help but think how easy she made it sound, but she wasn't the one that would have to make the call.

"Have you called him?" Rose asked. We were sitting in the kitchen having coffee together.

"No," I admitted. "I've been trying to do it for two days now and I chicken out every time. I just know what's going to happen when I hear his voice. I'm also afraid that he's going to try to sweet talk me into changing my mind."

"Sweetie, I know it won't be easy. I can't imagine what it's like to be you right now, just remember that you're doing the right thing for both of you. You deserve better and so does he, whether he realizes it or not," Rose said reassuringly.

"I feel like I'm being selfish, but I was at my wits end. The tour went so well, it was the happiest we've been in a while but when we got back home and Marcus showed up I knew it was too good to be true. I've tried to help him get clean before, but it doesn't work. If I thought I could have helped him I wouldn't have left."

Rose pulled me in for a hug. "You are not being selfish, if anything you are being selfless. This isn't easy for you; you're in just as much if not more pain than he is. And you don't h have to explain yourself to me or anyone else, I know if you could have helped him you would still be there. You're not turning your back on him; you're trying to open his eyes he just has to understand that."

Edward

It's been a week since Bella left, a week since I last saw her beautiful face, a week since I've heard her voice. We haven't been separated for this long in years and even when we were just friends we talked every day. I haven't gone this long without hearing her voice in twelve years. I've called and texted hundreds of times, but she hasn't answered once. I tried to go after her when she left, but Jake wouldn't let me anywhere near her, he said she needed space. I tried to argue with him that I had needs too, but he didn't want to hear it. I didn't even know she had left Los Angeles until Emmett broke down and admitted she was with him. I think the only reason he eventually told me was so that I would know she was safe. I do feel better knowing that she's with Emmett and Rose and they're taking care of her, but it's not right she should be here with me.

I've spent most of the past week locked in my own home, not wanting to face the world. The only person I've seen is Marcus' and I know the only reason he keeps coming around is because I'm a good customer. The fact that I'm a good customer is what got me into the situation I'm in. When he showed up at the door a few weeks ago I should have told him to go away, but as soon as he pulled that bag of powder from his pocket the fact that I had been clean for seven months meant shit to me. All I could think about was how I would feel when that powder was coursing through my veins. I didn't stop to think about Bella or how good life had been and I didn't think about the consequences of my actions. Hell, I didn't even realize that Bella knew what was going on until it was too late. Now, I'm sitting here all alone and continuously using to try to forget that I'm in pain and more than anything I'm to blame. If I'm high I don't think about how badly I've screwed everything up.

I was surprised to feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, no one had been calling me lately; I was the one making all of the calls. I pulled it out and saw Bella's beautiful face on the screen. Her deep brown eyes staring right up at me, the picture reminded me of a happier time. We had spent the day out on the boat making love and playing in the water. I took the picture at the end of the day; her cheeks were sun-kissed and her long brown hair was blowing in the breeze. In this picture Bella looked like she didn't have a care in the world, proof that pictures can be deceiving. "Hello?"

"Hey," she responded quietly. "How are you?"

"How am I supposed to answer that?" I asked angrily. "Do you want the truth or do you want me to give you an answer that will make you feel better?"

"I want the truth."

"In that case, I feel like shit. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with walked out on me and I didn't even know where she was for four days," I spat out. "How's that for the truth?"

She didn't answer immediately and it sounded like she was crying. "I didn't do this to hurt you Edward." Her voice confirmed that I had reduced her to tears. "This isn't easy for me either."

"You made the decision to leave Isabella, not me."

"No, Edward you had a hand in me making that decision. I told you what it would take for me to stay," she said raising her voice.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I can't go to rehab? You know it would ruin my career."

"Is your career all that matters to you anymore? You use your career as an excuse but if you keep doing what you're doing you won't even have that. Did you not learn anything from what we watched Jake go through? Will it take you falling that far to wake up and realize you need help?" she asked.

"You're more important to me than my career, you know that. I love you."

"You have an awfully funny way of showing it," she sobbed. "You can fix this Edward; just promise me you'll get help."

"That's not an option, I won't keep having this conversation," I said, becoming more frustrated.

"Then I guess we don't have anything left to talk about."

"What the hell does that mean? You're just going to throw away everything we have together?" I yelled.

"It means that I can't be with you while you're using and I won't be with you until you get some help. You're not going to stop using until you figure out why you do it. And I'm not the one throwing our relationship away, that's all you. I love you and that won't change, but we can't be together."

Before I could respond I heard the phone click, she hung up on me. I just lost the best part of my life, the only woman that's ever loved me for me and not my money or my career. What am I going to do now? Well that's easy I'm going to do everything I can to forget about her and to get rid of this pain.


	3. Chapter 3- Moving On

**Chapter Three****: "Moving On"**

EPOV

I woke up to the door bell ringing. I rolled over and looked at the clock beside my bed; it said it was only 8:00 a.m. That meant I had only been in bed for four hours. I decided that whoever was at the door could wait until I had more sleep, after the night I had I deserved more sleep. Admittedly, I don't remember a lot about last night, but I do remember being out of control. The door bell rang several more times and I continued to ignore it, after a few minutes whoever was there seemed to have given up and I tried to doze back off to sleep…unsuccessfully. I was surprised to hear my front door slam and soon after footsteps coming up the stairs. I got out of bed and quickly pulled on a shirt over my boxers. As I was leaving the bedroom to investigate I ran directly in to Jake. "What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"I have a key, remember?" he asked, dangling a set of keys from his fingers. "As for what I'm doing here. I came here to ask you what the hell you're doing. It's all over the radio and internet this morning that you got kicked out of a club downtown last night with Tanya Denali. For one, what are you doing with her and for two, are you out of your fucking mind?"

I ran my hands over my face. "Look Jake, I don't need a lecture. I went out last night to have a good time and got a little carried away, that's all. " I didn't want to admit to him that I don't remember most of the previous night. I moved past him and headed downstairs, he followed right behind me. "And I wasn't technically with Tanya, she just happened to be at the same club. It's not a big deal, she's just a friend."

"You're kidding me right? You're out of control and you know it. And since when is Tanya a friend? Last time I checked she was your certifiably crazy ex? If you were in your right mind you wouldn't go near her, much less refer to her as a friend! If you're doing all of this to get over Bella you're insane, because you and I both know you don't need or want to get over her," Jake said, shaking his head at me. "You need to get your shit together and get back with her."

"She doesn't want me back, she's made that clear."

"You and I both know that's bullshit. The problem is you're too stubborn to do what you need to do to get her back. You need to wake up and get your priorities straight before it's too late," he said in a tone that was remorseful. "Don't make the same mistakes I did. My pride didn't do me any favors."

"It's only been two months, she'll come back around and I'll calm down. Things will go back to being normal again," I replied.

"I hate to say it bro, but you're wrong. Bella's sticking to her guns this time. She's really getting settled in with Emmett and Rose."

"How do you know? You're still talking to her aren't you?" I asked surprised.

He shook his head yes. "Don't sound so surprised, you know Bella and I are good friends and have been for a long time. I've known her almost as long as I've known you. I'm not choosing sides here, just trying to be a good friend to both of you," Jake admitted. "I'm only going to say this once, get your ass in gear. She's working, she's helping with Carter and people are trying to set her up with other guys. She told me that some friends of Rose want her to meet some guy they all know."

"She's working? Do you think she's going to meet the guy?"

"Yeah, she's substitute teaching several days a week just like she did here. And yes, I think she might meet this guy. She told me he was a nice guy, a minister I think," Jake said.

"A minister? What the heck is she going to do with a minister? Bella's a good person, but she's definitely not the type of girl that would be happy with a minister. That and she wouldn't give up on me so quickly," I responded. I was trying to play it cool with Jake, but inside I was reeling. The thought of Bella with another man killed me. I flopped myself down on the couch and covered my face with a pillow; overwhelmed by this new information.

"I agree, I don't think she's cut out to be with a minister, we both know that she does have a bit of a wild side that she doesn't let many people see. Honestly, I think she's looking for someone the complete opposite of you, just like you are with people like Tanya Denali. She's as torn up about all of this as you are, maybe even more because she feels like you picked the drugs over her. What's bad is that you did."

I let Jake's words sink in; the fact that he was right really hit me hard. I chose drugs over the love of my life. Jake is right, I need to get my shit together and make things right before it's too late.

BPOV

It's been seven weeks since I last spoke with Edward and it has been rough, but I've made it through with the help of my family and Dr. Barrows. I forced myself to get out of the house and go back to work, so I'm working as a substitute teacher a few days a week. It felt good to get back into the classroom again; it had been over a year. I had subbed in Los Angeles on a regular basis, but had not recently due to touring with Edward. On the days that I don't sub, I spend time with Carter in order to give Emmett and Rose some extra free time, that and I love being with my nephew. I've also been spending time with Rose and her girlfriends who have welcomed me with open arms. I was even thinking about dating, well not really but other people were thinking about it for me. Rose's friend Jane has someone she wants me to meet; he's a minister which makes me a little nervous. Maybe in time I'll agree to it but I don't know that I'm ready to date yet. Overall, I'm starting to feel settled here.

I woke up this morning excited because today was going to be a family day. Emmett, Rose, Carter and I were going to spend the day together at the Seattle Aquarium. After getting myself ready for our outing, I went downstairs to have coffee with Rose; which was now part of our daily routine. I walked into the kitchen with a smile on my face, looking forward to the day ahead.

"Good morning," I said greeting Emmett and Rose as I made my way to the coffee pot. "Are we ready for today?" Getting no immediate response, I turned around to look at them. Emmett was sitting at the bar with his lap top in front of him and Rose was leaning over his shoulder. "Hello, earth to you two. What's so interesting?" I asked teasingly.

"Nothing," Brian stuttered, looking up at me as if he just noticed I was in the kitchen. "Just checking my e-mail."

I immediately knew Brian was lying, he couldn't lie to save his life. "Something's going on here. You stuttered so you're lying. Spill it!"

Emmett and Rose looked at each other nervously. "Tell her Em," Rose said squeezing his arm.

Emmett nervously ran his hand through his hair before looking over at me. "It' Edward."

"Is something wrong? Is he okay?" I asked nervously, immediately expecting the worst.

"He's not hurt or anything. It's just…damn it. He's all over the internet this morning," Emmett replied. From his cursing and the look on his face, I knew he was struggling with what he was about to share with me. "There are pictures of him at a club with Tanya Denali. The articles say they got kicked out of the club for causing a scene, but we all know that you can't believe everything you read."

Suddenly my good mood was gone. Emmett was right, you can't believe everything you read but there's usually a little truth hidden in the gossip. I stood for a moment, holding my coffee and staring at Emmett, completely shocked. I must have been shaking because Rose came over and took my coffee away and placed it on the counter. She then took my hands and led me to the seat next to Emmett at the bar. "Show me."

"You don't want to see," Rose replied.

"Show me," I demanded. In my heart I knew that Edward and I were at a crossroads, that what I was about to see would affect our future together. Emmett reached over and gently wiped the tears from my face, I didn't even realize I was crying. "I need to see this."

Emmett reluctantly maximized the widow on the computer screen and what I saw turned my stomach. There was a picture of Edward, high as a kite, with Tanya Denali hanging all over him as they were being escorted from a club. There was a picture of Edward and I from the last tour next to it. The caption read, "Looks like Edward Cullen's longtime girlfriend, Isabella Swan, has been replaced by an old flame." I jumped up and ran to the bathroom in the hall and I could feel Rose right behind me. I made it just in time; retching repeatedly, I emptied the contents of my stomach. Rose stood behind me, holding my hair and rubbing my back.

When I felt like I couldn't possibly throw up any more, I lowered myself to the cool time floor and curled up in a ball. Rose pressed a cool cloth to my face and lay down on the floor next to me, wrapping her arms around me. Together we lay wrapped up in one another crying; me for the loss of Edward and Rose on my behalf. I heard the bathroom door open and looked up to see Emmett standing there with a mix of concern and anger on his face. He joined us on the floor, moving us to a sitting position and wrapping us both in his embrace.

"This is it," Emmett said angrily. "This is the last straw. I've kept my mouth shut for too long and I'm not going to do it anymore. Look at what he's done! I'm sitting on the bathroom floor trying to console the two most important women in my life as a result of his stupidity. I won't let him do this to us any longer."

We stayed wrapped up together on the floor for a long time, trying to settle down and comfort one another. We were interrupted when the bathroom door opened again and there stood a wide-eyed Carter. "You're not supposed to play in the bathroom," he said with all of the seriousness a three year old possesses.

We all managed a small laugh. "It's okay just for today, Mommy and Aunt La La are sad," Emmett replied. Carter looked confused, but accepted Emmett's explanation. He came over and joined us in our pile on the floor, giving us all hugs and kisses. There's nothing better than the unconditional love of a child to diffuse a painful moment.

"Aunt La La, are we going to the aquarium today?" Carter asked innocently.

I spoke up quickly before Emmett or Rose could answer in my place. "Of course we are Carter. There's nothing that would make me happier than spending the day with you." I pulled him in for another hug and kiss and then pulled myself up off the floor. I put my arm out to assist Emmett and Rose up.

"Sis, are you sure?" Emmett asked.

"I'm positive," I answered honestly. "We're going to have fun today. Oh and Rose you call Jane and ask her two things. Ask her if she could watch Carter tonight and see if her friend the minister is available."

"Why?" Rose asked.

"Because you, Emmett and I are going out tonight and I need a date, "I replied with a shaky smile. "Em you handle Edward however you feel appropriate, I don't care anymore and obviously he doesn't either. Today's a day for moving on." And whether I was ready or not, that was exactly what I planned to do.


	4. Chapter 4- The Heart Won't Lie

**Chapter Four****: "The Heart Won't Lie"**

**June 1, 2012**

**BPOV**

It had been a gloomy Saturday and I had spent most of the day in bed thinking about my life and what a mess it was. Oh how a few months can change things; four months ago I was touring the world with the man I love and my closest friends. Now I'm living alone in my brother's guest room. What a sad excuse for an adult I am.

After the Edward and Tanya debacle last month, I decided it was time to move on and stop waiting around for Edward to change. So I put a smile on my face and started moving forward, even though my heart begged me not to. If Edward wanted to move forward with someone he had a nasty past with, more power to him. Me on the other hand, I needed a fresh start and that's where Riley Biers entered the picture. Rose's friend Jane introduced us and we've been seeing each other regularly since our first date five weeks ago, when we doubled with Emmett and Rose.

Riley is a youth minister at a local church, but he's originally from Atlanta, Georgia. He's a genuinely nice guy and a true southern gentleman; honestly, he reminds me a lot of my brother. Sounds great right? I should be over the moon for this man, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I really like him as a person and I'm trying to have more than friendly feelings for him but so far it's just not happening. I know what the problem is, even though I'd rather not admit it; he's not Edward. How screwed up is that? This man treats me like a queen and can offer things that Edward never could like stability and normalcy, yet I want him to be more like the man I left. Not the man that chose drugs over me, but the one I fell for at thirteen who has held my heart for years. Deep down I know that no matter how wonderful this man is, he's never going to hold a candle to Edward. Can I be any more ridiculous? I needed to get these thoughts out of my head. I have a date with Riley tonight and the last thing I needed to be doing was thinking about Edward.

I decided that the best plan of action would be to take a shower and clear my head, then focus on getting ready for my date. I was on my way to the bathroom but was interrupted by a knock on the bedroom door. "Just a sec," I said, throwing my robe on. I made my way to the door and opened it just enough to see who was there. It was Jasper, shit. "What are you doing here? Is Alice here too?" Although I love Alice dearly, I didn't know if I could handle Edward's sister right now. I know she wants Edward to get clean, but I also know that she wants us to reconcile.

"I'm here to visit, what else would I be doing here. And no, Alice isn't with me she's busy finishing some pieces for her gallery show next month. Can I come in?" he asked but entered without waiting for an answer, closing the door behind him. He made himself comfortable in the armchair by the window. "So how's my Bella?

I looked down at my feet, not wanting to make eye contact. "I'm good; I was actually going to get in the shower. I have a date tonight," I replied with forced enthusiasm; hoping Jasper would buy it.

"Emmett told me you had started seeing someone, said he's a minister. Seriously, Bella? Your brother may think you would be happy with this guy but I know better. I'm your best friend and I know you better than anyone else; other than maybe Edward. A minister will never make you happy. You are not the innocent little girl that Emmett still thinks of you being. You are someone who needs a physical relationship as well as an emotional one and unless you plan to marry this Riley guy, that's not going to happen anytime soon. Tell me how you really are and what's going on in that pretty little head of yours."

I should have known that I couldn't lie to Jasper, but decided to try and keep up the charade. "Jas, that's not fair. Riley is a really nice man, he treats me very well. You make it sound like I won't stay in a relationship that doesn't include sex, I'm not that shallow."

"Who do you think you're fooling? I know you're not shallow but you and Edward have been hot and heavy for too many years for you to decide that sex is no longer important to you. That and you don't even have the wardrobe necessary to date a minister, " Jasper said with a chuckle. "I'm not Emmett or Rose. I can tell you're not being honest with me. Cut the bullshit and tell me the truth."

Damn it, Jasper knows me too well. I knew he wouldn't let up until I told him the truth. "Honestly, most days I don't feel like getting out of bed. I thought I could just shut off my feelings and move on, but I can't," I admitted, as I started to cry. "I forced myself to go back to work and start dating because that's what everyone expects me to do and at first it helped, but now nothing seems to help. I put on a good front for everyone else, but inside I'm broken and scared. I miss Edward so much it's physically painful. And you're right about Riley, for all the reasons you stated and more."

Jasper reached out for me to come to him, I did, and he pulled me to sit across his lap and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my head in his shoulder and sobbed. "I knew that things weren't as good as Emmett had been telling me. Either he's trying to sugar coat it so that it will get back to Edward or you've really got him snowed. Honestly, I think its option one and he wants Edward to think you're happily moving on."

"You're probably right, he's furious with Edward."

"I can't say that I'm particularly happy with him. He's not acting like the man I know, the man you love," Jasper said kissing the top of my head. "I wish I could just grab him and shake the shit out of him, but I know that's not going to help matters. I just hate what he's doing to you." We sat in comfortable silence for a long time, Jasper holding me and letting me cry until I didn't have any tears left. "Do you think you can cancel your date with the Rev to spend some time with me?"

I shook my head; spending some time with Jasper was just what I needed. "Let me give Riley a call and shower, then I'm all yours." I got up from his lap and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"It's a deal," he said, getting up to leave the room.

Jasper and I went out to dinner and then spent the rest of the evening cuddled up on the deck talking. Emmett and Rose would pop out to check on us occasionally, but mostly just let us be. I think they knew that I needed the time with Jasper. We talked openly and honestly about my feelings and everything that had happened since the tour ended and what the future may hold. It felt good to spend time with one of the few people in my life that knew me inside and out and still loved me.

"So what's your plan?" Jasper asked. "Are you going to end things with the Rev?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do. This is going to sound bad but I don't want to be alone, he makes me feel wanted."

"Bella, it's not fair for you to lead him on. Especially when you know you don't have a future with him. You can't change yourself to be the kind of woman he needs, that's not fair to either one of you," Jasper stated.

"I know, but maybe that is what I have to do to get some stability. Obviously being me isn't working wonders in that department. Maybe if I were a better person Edward would have picked me instead of the drugs."

"Isabella Marie Swan, do not say that," Jasper said raising his voice at me. He made me turn to face him. "You are a wonderful woman that any man would be lucky to be with. But you cannot settle or change who you are for a man."

"You have to say that you're my best friend."

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you. You can't even see how great you are," Jasper replied sadly. "You need to open your eyes and see what a fabulous woman you are, it breaks my heart that you can't see what everyone else sees."

I heard someone moving around behind us and turned to see my brother with tears in his eyes, I knew he must have heard the conversation between Jasper and I. "I didn't mean eavesdrop; I just came out to check on you two. B, don't let all of this make you question your worth. You are one of the most beautiful women I know, inside and out."

I didn't know how to respond. I had two of the most important people in my life telling me what a wonderful woman I am, but still had trouble believing it. Why? Because if I were so wonderful I wouldn't be in love with a man who would choose drugs over me and I wouldn't be stringing along another man just to make myself feel better. I had hoped spending time with Jasper would give me some clarity, but it hadn't. If anything I was just as confused now as the day I left Edward and missing him more than ever.

**June 3, 2012**

**EPOV**

I was beyond nervous, today was the first time I would be around all of the guys since everything went down with Bella and I and the situation last month with Tanya. Adding to my stress was the fact that I had been clean since that terrible night; I was trying to prevent anything like that from happening again. We were getting together in LA to discuss writing and recording for our next album. I wasn't sure what type of reception I would get from Emmett, because we hadn't talked at all in over a month. When I entered the conference room at the Sony offices I was on the verge of having an anxiety attack. I was relieved to see that I was the first to arrive. Yes, that's right folks hell has frozen over, I was actually early. I sat down at the large conference table and leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, willing myself to calm down before any of the other guys got here.

"Cullen, you look like hell," Jasper said as he entered the room. "And honestly, I hope you feel as bad as you look. You deserve to suffer some, because God knows Bella is." Jasper sat down directly across from me with his arms crossed over his chest. I had been worried about Emmett, but completely forgot that Jasper would be ten times worse. Bella is his best friend and fiercely protective is how he was on a regular basis, so I can't imagine what this was going to be like. I had felt the wrath of Jasper many times over the years, but this was new territory.

I looked at Jasper and took a deep breath before even attempting to address him. "J, now is not the time or place. If you want to have it out with me after this meeting is over that's fine, but right now I'm struggling to hold it together as it is." I placed my elbows on the table and rubbed my hands over my face, silently hoping that Jasper would hold off on ripping me a new one, at least for now.

"We'll wait, but as soon as we're done here the three of us are going to have a 'Come to Jesus' meeting," I heard a familiar voice announce. I removed my hands from my face to see that Emmett had joined us and had taken a seat next to Jasper. Great two against one, I may very well die after this meeting.

"Em, hold on there. The two of you against Cullen isn't right," Jake responded as he and Seth entered the room. "You two are furious and rightfully so, but that messes with your judgment. That and this is an issue that affects us all, so we'll deal with it together."

"This has nothing to do with you. This is a family issue," Emmett spat.

"You're right it is a family issue and we're all family," Seth replied. "Bella means a lot to all of us and so does Edward. So in order for this to remain civil we will handle this as an extended family." I was completely floored that Seth spoke up; he usually tried to stay out of any personal disagreements. Maybe he chose this time to step in because of the magnitude of the current situation.

Emmett's face was bright red and I know he disagreed with Seth, but Jasper placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him from responding. "Seth's right, after the meeting we'll handle this together."

Before anyone could add anything else, our management team entered the room and it was time to get down to business. For the next four hours we were completely professional, leaving management none the wiser in regard to our personal battles. After what turned out to be a very productive meeting it was decided that we needed to take several months off before moving forward with the next album. Everyone seemed to agree for the first time in years that this was the right thing to do both personally and professionally; 16 Seconds from Glory was on an indefinite hiatus.

When the meeting ended it was decided that we would all meet up at Seth's later in the day to deal with our personal issues. Correction, my personal issues; I wasn't looking forward to it at all. The only person I should be talking to about what's going on is Bella and she hasn't answered my calls or texts since the last time we spoke on the phone, which was in February and it was now June. As I drove around Los Angeles trying to kill some time I couldn't help but be reminded of Bella. We had spent so much time here in the last twelve years that everywhere I turned there was something to remind me of better times with Bella and it hurt like hell.

I knew I had to stop my trip down memory lane or I was going to do something I'd regret, like drink or use. I decided to do something responsible for the first time in a long time, I picked up my cell phone and dialed Jake's number. "What's up?" Jake said answering the phone.

"I know it's early but can we go ahead and meet up. If we put this off any longer and I keep driving around thinking about the past I'm going to do something stupid. "

"Don't do anything, you've been doing so well don't ruin it. I'm already at Seth's, you head this way now. I'll take care of getting everyone else here," Jake responded.

When I arrived at Seth's there were two cars sitting in the drive, Jake's and a rental that I assumed belonged to either Emmett or Jasper. I stood staring at the front door for several minutes before ringing the bell, I couldn't help but feel like I was about to go in front of a firing squad. Seth answered the door and ushered me into the foyer. "Jasper and Emmett are already here," he said. I felt my heart start to race and it must have showed on my face. "Take a few deep breaths and calm down before we go in there. I'm with Jake on this; I'm not taking sides because I love both you and Bella. However, be a man and own up to what you've done and then work to make it right." I just nodded my head, because he was right and what else could I do at this point. Seth patted me on the back and led me into the family room where the rest of the guys were waiting.

I took a seat on the couch next to Jake, he looked at me knowingly. I nodded my head no, knowing he wanted to make sure I didn't make any stops on my way there. He patted my leg and smiled, I knew he was proud of me for calling him and fighting the urge. I looked across at Emmett and Jasper trying to get a feeling for how this would go. I could tell by looking at Emmett that he was furious; I don't think I've ever seen him this mad in the entire time I've known him. Jasper looked unusually calm and collected, which I knew meant he was boiling beneath the surface.

I decided to speak first, thinking it might be to my advantage either that or it could lead to my demise; I wasn't quite sure. "Before you two lay in to me I want to say something. I know you both think I'm the scum of the earth right now for hurting Bella and I'm not going to disagree with you. I will admit that I'm a douche bag and deserve to be put in my place. But on the same token this has been hard on me too. I miss Bella so much it hurts," my voice was thick with emotion. I saw Jasper's eyes widen at my admission and I didn't quite know what to make of it. "I thought I would marry Bella and start a family; I never imagined being in the position we're in now. I know that it's entirely my fault, because she's done nothing but try to help me beat this addiction. I know that I need help because I have to beat this in order to be the man I need to be and to get Bella back, because without her I'm lost." I was trying to be strong and hold it together but couldn't any longer, tears rolled freely down my face. "I know that it may be too little too late, but I have to get help now."

The room was silent for a moment and I was terrified. Jasper spoke first. "First off, I get that this is hurting you too, but after all you've put Bella through you deserve to suffer. I don't think you have any idea the hell she's been through because of your addiction." I watched as he took a breath and seemed to be contemplating what he would say next. "With that being said, I know you love her and that she loves you. It really hit me when you said you missed Bella so much it hurts, because she said the same words to me a few days ago. Since you're man enough to admit you need help, I'll support you whole heartedly. You're my brother-in-law and one of my best friends and I love you, I want what's best for you and I know the answer to that is to get help and fight for your life back. I will warn you though don't ever hurt her like this again."

"Thanks Jasper, that' means a lot. And if she gives me another chance I promise I won't fuck it up."

Emmett cleared his throat. "I don't know that I can be so nice. You're my best friend and have been for many years. You know I've always been supportive of you and Bella being together even back when you guys were younger and would go back and forth about being together. I couldn't think of a better man to be with my sister than you, because I knew you would protect her in the same manner I would." Emmett paused and took a breath before continuing.

" When the two of you got serious I thought it was in your best interest, I thought that by being with her you would settle down…and you did off and on. What I didn't know was that you would start using drugs and expose her to a world she should have never known. I didn't know that you would become a stranger and endanger her well being and scar her emotionally. I've watched my sister fall apart so many times in the last few months that I've lost count and I feel helpless because the only person that can make this better is you. I've not been able to offer her any comfort and it breaks my heart. Bella is one of the most beautiful women I know and you have her questioning whether or not she's good enough to be with someone who will treat her well and love her the way she deserves to be loved." Emmett hung his head down and I could tell he was crying, even though he covered his face with his hands.

"I appreciate that you feel bad about what you've done and I will support you in your effort to get clean. I will continue to be your friend; however, I want you to stay away from my sister. I can't let you hurt her anymore. She's dating a really good man that treats her the way you used to and she deserves to be happy. She doesn't need you to waltz back into her life and screw things up for her." Emmett stood up and put his hands in his pockets and looked wearily in my direction.

I was speechless, I expected this sort of response from Jasper not Emmett. I wasn't prepared for him to tell me I wasn't good enough for Bella and it killed my soul. "I can't stay away from her Em, she's my world."

"You should have thought about that a long time ago. She's moved on now and it's better this way."

"Emmett, that's not right. It's not your place to keep him away from Bella," Jake replied. "You know as well as the rest of us that all she wants is for Edward to clean up."

"Jake's right," Jasper added. "Bella still loves Edward."

"Well it seems like I'm the only one in the room that truly has Bella's best interest in mind. Edward, I'm not telling you to not be her friend; I couldn't do that because you've been friends for too long. What I'm saying is leave her heart alone and let her enjoy some stability." Emmett turned and headed for the door. "J, I'll be in the car."

I looked at Seth, Jasper and Jake who were all just as blown away by what just happened as I was. "I guess I just have to prove to Bella and Emmett that I can do this. I can't screw this up." I felt like I had more to prove now than ever before in my life. I had to get help and get clean and I had to do it now.


End file.
